I had dinner here with my wife a few weeks ago. It was a terrible experience from beginning to end. A kettle of fish had a great reputation for fresh seafood, excellent chefs, and service several years ago, but it has definitely gone downhill since.

Before I continue my review, I should point out that the interior design and decor is tasteful, contemporary, upscale and a typical casual fine dining feel. I think some business partners might enjoy celebrating deals here because of the atmosphere.

When we entered, the restaurant was nearly empty. Maybe three or four tables of customers. Nonetheless, we waited for almost a minute before a maitre d’ arrived. And then there was no smile, no gracious welcome, no “hello, how are you?” just, “Do you have reservations? No? Gimme a sec.” For the beginning of a fine dining experience, I perceived this as being quite rude. She surveys the empty restaurant, another waitress walks up, and they whisper for a while (what the hell is there to figure out? I didn’t see any “reserved” tables.) Then she and the waitress lead us to the “WORST TABLE EVER” in the entire restaurant, the one that is located next to the side entrance to the noisy, clattering kitchen with servers bustling in and out and under a huge halogen spotlight. All this while we’re looking at the dozens of other tables in quieter locations with flickering candlelight and appropriate foliage. Our table had a big planted tree next to it with branches that kept getting into my wife’s hair. Very distracting and unromantic, especially with the huge spotlight on our table and traffic. After an embarassed ten minutes of enduring the hustle of waiters going in and out of the kitchen and the vagrant tree branches and the harsh, unforgiving lighting, I asked for a change to the table next to ours, which amazingly had a totally different atmosphere, much quieter, against a decorated wall, even romantic candlelight. Now why didn’t the hostess just give us the better table to begin with? And this wasn’t by far the best table available. As the night wore on, we saw a black couple get seated in that “WORST TABLE EVER” and a subsequent argument broke out between the couple as their expectations of a beautiful, romantic candlelit dinner were dashed. By the time our dinner ended, the restaurant was still not full, and many of the better tables were still unoccupied.

The food was terrible. Every single dish was overly salted. Even the salad. We suspected that the sous-chef had a cocaine/meth habit, because his palate and sense of smell was so screwed. For such an upscale restaurant with equally upscale prices, one should expect superior food. Our seafood bisque seemed not that fresh, and the kitchen was trying to mask the unpleasantness with a strong tomato sauce. Virtually unforgivable for a restaurant specializing in seafood. The crab cakes were too salty. The chocolate dessert was too sugary and seemed like it was made from a powder mix. Even the bread tasted like it came from Superstore. Extremely disappointing food.

I would never eat at a kettle of fish ever again, nor recommend it to any of my friends. Perhaps to my business enemies. There are so many excellent restaurants in Vancouver. The only reason to go to a kettle of fish is to see the interior decor. After that, do yourself a favor and go across the bridge to the Go Fish shack, next to Granville Island, for delicious and much fresher seafood for a fraction of the price. Cheers.