haledixon

 

On a scale of 1-10, when we sat down, here, to eat, my headache was about at a 7 – not debilitating, but definitely making things uncomfortable. 10 minutes or later the excedrin finally kicked in and 10 minutes after that the sushi kicked in. I always usually get the chicken sandwich equivalent of sushi – the Philadelphia roll, or some variation thereof. This time I also got a ‘spicy salmon’ roll, which would have been excellent had the salmon not been made into a patè-like substance. As it were it was merely ‘pretty good’. Honestly, me reviewing sushi is about as useful as a dick on a mule. I can only really comment that the fish was fresh and the service kinda sucked. Fwiw.

 

For the longest time we called this place Mexican Restaurant because there was no proper sign with the name on it. Driving to it one day we passed a sweaty Mexican carrying a guitar, probably 3 miles from the restaurant. We were in there eating when all of a sudden this sweaty guitar kid busts through the door and starts playin that shit. Such is what you will find at Mexican Restaurant. There used to be a guy named Edgar that worked there that had impossibly fast fingers on the cash register, but he’s gone now.

Anyway, the food is pretty good. I usually get the fajita quesadilla with chicken, chorizo and cheese. If you get a margarita, get it with Don Julio. Also, before you randomly decide to go out to a Mexican place for dinner, check and see that it’s not May 5th, cause otherwise you’ll get there and be like What the FUCK at all these people?

 

There’s really not a lot that I can say about this place, other than it’s been here a long time and is marginally better than Swain’s Family Restaurant. If you find that you’re rolling through Perry on 19 and you’re hungry… Well, if you’re going south you better stop and get something. I’d suggest Hardee’s or BK, but if you feel like you really need some backwoods ambiance, then go for Pouncey’s. Seriously, you do not want to stop in Cross City. If you’re headed north, though, just keep going to Tallahassee and get something at Mom & Pop’s or Nino’s just south of town.

Also, keep your windows rolled up. Perry smells like the ass of a papermill.

 

It’s Pizza Hut. Seriously. It’s pretty much the same as every other fucking PH in the south. They’re usually pretty quick with delivery but eating in seems to take forever. Otherwise wtf do you want? It’s Pizza Hut.

 

The Loop has what may be the most perfect food ever fucking created – their signature bbq chicken pizza. It’s not just a fucking pizza with some bullseye and chicken on it.. The BBQ sauce is this incredibly awesome sweet habanero pepper bbq sauce and besides the chicken they have big chunks CHUNKS of caramelized garlic. The garlic is so fucking good you have no idea. It melts in your mouth, literally. Holy shit I wish I had some of this right now. It’s making me hungry to talk about and I’m getting slightly aroused.

Fucking A it is good. Besides that the cajun chicken sandwich is defuckinglicious and the burgers are pretty awesome. The salads are badass and have, by far, the most awesome croutons in existence. You might think, oh, they’re just croutons… Well fuck you, they are second to none.

Also their milkshakes are something you should have every goddamn day.

Thank Christ they havent opened a Loop next to my work. I’d be broker and fatter than I already am.

 

Yo Brah, top of the hill is off the hook. They have some sweet brews and the food is money.

Like overpriced food and people that talk like that? Then you’ll like Top of the Hill.

 

This is pretty much the perfect Cary restaurant. It’s ethnic, but not really, and is chock full of shitty modern art. The food falls somewhere in between PF Chang’s, and any random strip mall chinese take-out. The booths are kinda low so there’s not a lot of privacy, but I will say the service is pretty good considering the typical azn standard of service is to give you your food and maybe your drink and never return. The lightning is kind of low, I think to give the shitty art a little more dramatic ambiance. There’s really not a whole lot to say about this place one way or another. They promote their ‘dim sum’ night but fuck that shit. Ill stick to chicken and rice.

I once dated a girl mostly out of boredom, not because there was any real attraction. Then one day I realized I didn’t like her and decided not to call her back or anything. I feel kind of the same about Neo-China.

 

Eating at Brig’s is like eating in the diningroom of someone you might not like, but nevertheless is an awesome fucking cook. The décor is pretty shitty – floral wallpaper and tacky tablecloths, but the food is top notch. I mostly only get breakfast-type stuff here like chocolate chip pancakes or club croissants. The hash browns are great, the fruit is always fresh, they give you huge carafes (that’s fancy for bigass bottle) of orange juice. I really can’t say enough good things about the food there. Probably my favorite thing, overall, is the banana-nut muffins. They may make the fucking things from a box or buy them from Otis Spunkmeyer for all I fucking care. All I know is that they make my stomach sing praises to Jesus.

Sidenote: stay away from the Brig’s near the 55/54 crossing in Durham. That one is kind of shitty. The one in Cary in the stripmall near Blockbuster is the one you want. It’s the one you need.

 

P.F. Chang’s is a place I would love to hate, but I swear to Christ they put heroin or something in their food and I am hooked on it. Well, I’m really only hooked on the Chang’s spicy chicken and crab wontons. How hooked? I will brave a half hour among hordes of yuppies, soon to be yuppies, boob job soccermoms, and frat weenbags just to get a taste. The secret is to get a booth. The wait may be long, it may be arduous, but HOLD FAST, the booth is worth it. The booths are large and detached from the main floor, offering solace from the bullshit-mongering hordes of bullshit mongerers.

Hell I even like the lettuce wraps. Me! Lettuce! OMG.

 

For years I avoided this place based on just the name, it just reminded me of gross. When I started working on Glenwood Ave, though, it was in walking distance (and right across the street from Mojoe’s) so it became one of the regular spots. As much as I hate to admit it, those hippies can make a pretty fucking good pizza. They say they use springwater for the dough. I don’t know what the fuck that means but it’s pretty good. I get the bbq chicken pizza, which while only being about 1/4 as good as the bbq pizza from The Loop, it’s still better than most other things. I only associate this place, though, with long ranting and bitching about work. I think it’s a conditioned response now as the last time is stopped in I felt the need to just bitch about things.

Ok, so, to recap: the pizza is good, it’s usually crowded, and I forgot to mention the waitresses are usually really cute. Also, lunch is almost really crowded so if you’re going, go early or later in the afternoon and just avoid it altogether on Friday and Sat nights. Unless you like douchebags, or you are a douchebag.