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Fogo de Chao Churrascaria

 133 N La Cienega Blvd
Beverly Hills, CA
 

I JUST got back from Fogo de Chao. I'm sitting here writi...

I JUST got back from Fogo de Chao. I’m sitting here writing with a protruding stomach. In fact, as I am sitting on my chair with my legs crossed, and I can feel my belly on my thighs. Isn’t that sexy?

Let’s recap while the experience is fresh on my mind, while the meat juice is still lingering on my tongue, while my stomach is still digesting the nifty collection of meat that is swimming around inside of me.

(burp)

Where was I?

Oh yes. So I made reservations for 4 people two days ago for 8pm tonight and there was no problem. I love it when that happens. I was the first to arrive but being the epitome of the “LA girl”, I was on my cellphone, jabbing away when I pulled into the valet. Usually, I roll down my window and ask how much the valet is and if it’s more than $2, I try my luck in street parking. Today, however, was a different story. I was distracted with my phone so I just rolled up and got out of my car and took the ticket that was given to me. As I walked to the empty sidewalk full of metered parking spaces with my phone in one ear, I broke from my conversation to look back at the valet sign. “SERVICE CHARGE $5.50”.

$5.50 TO PARK MY CAR. My korean ajummaness creeps out and I immediately started txting my party to tell them to park in one of the millions of available parking spots on the street.

However, once seated, we had about 3-5 guys serving us at all times. A lady came to take our picture when she saw me take out my camera. Our main waiter’s previous job was probably in espionage or some high ranking government position cuz he knew exactly when to come over to offer us whatever we desired. At one point, we ordered a second round of drinks to a protege and he only came back with my drink. Then I heard the master of telepathic communications (aka mr. espionage) tell another waiter that we are missing one drink. Another dood comes by with my cousin’s beer. Wow. How did that guy know? I wonder if they have a microscopic chip inside their ear
(“Table 8 is missing their Heiney. Greg, did you not hear the man?!” “Sorry sir. I thought he was talking about something else.”
“Greg, I’m re-assigning you to Table 29. Jose, I want you in and out of Table 8 with their heiney and an apology.”
“Yes sir, yes sir!”)

Then, after we were done gorging ourselves with the pounds of meat (my favorites in order of best to good: beef ribs, pork ribs, filet mignon, top sirloin), we get offered cake from another table (one of my cousin’s friend was celebrating her bday there). Seeing this, and knowing that we were also celebrating two birthdays (the lady asked us why we were there when she took a group photo of us), they offered us two FREE desserts. A molten chocolate cake and a creme brulee. Then the waiter says, “Now you can make THEM jealous.” He was pointing to my cousin’s friend’s table, who brought their own cake. The desserts had “Happy Birthday” written on the plate with fudge / fruit puree (don’t know, didn’t mess it up).

The bill came out to $320 (including tax, tip) for four people (+5 drinks total).

Let’s not forget the $5.50 valet for the dorks who parked valet (my cousins who took heed to my warning parked on the streets and were already driving home when we, the valet parking captives, were still waiting for our cars 30 minutes later). Gr. Minus one star for that.

Let’s talk about what you’re paying for here:
You not only get quality meat and a great salad bar (which I barely touched though I loaded it all on my plate), but they have one of the best melt-in-your-mouth platanos (the fried bananas, which taste more like they broiled it whole and just peeled the skin off later since it was so juicy and melty), and when the green card is faced upright, you have about ten gauchos (waiters with huge metals with meat stuck on it) crowding your table like pigeons around scattered crackers in a park. We were bombarded with the meat. After they left we all looked at each other like..“was that necessary?” We felt so much pressure to eat everything and the meat was starting to cool off. My cousin shakes his head and calls us poor country folks and shows us how it’s done.

He flips his card back to green while the rest of us (still red) look on. Not a second goes by before the pork loin gaucho (poor guy – none of us wanted that one but he kept coming back until my cousin told him to just stoppit) shows up. My cousin tells him that he wants the beef ribs. 3 seconds later a man shows up with the ribs on a platter (no metal stick for this guy). My cousin tells him that he wants a slice of the fattiest part and almost flips out cuz it’s so good. We all cave in and get a slice. This goes on for a while and it was so much better than having a million guys pouncing on us with all that meat.
The service is impeccable. We seriously felt like royalty. Was it worth $80 / person? that’s for you to decide. i’ll be back for a bday.

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